9 Books for Mental Health, and a More Purposeful Life
Dear all,
To anyone, or your loved one, who might be feeling down, sad, depressed, stressed, lost, lonely, unworthy, anxious, fear now or about the future:
We spend money often on physical health, but rarely on mental health. We think about the future and past, but rarely focus on now. We talk a lot about changing the world, but rarely about changing our inner world.
We know health is the biggest wealth. As important as physical health is, mental health is often undervalued and forgotten. How often do you check in with yourself and ask how you are doing? Do you openly talk about your stress with your close family and friends? Can you notice when they are going through something and give support appropriately?
Just like you might exercise 3 times a week, mental health also should be looked after on a regular basis. It is not something to put the effort in only until you get sick. And it is not something to be ashamed of when you are struggling with.
May is Mental Health Awareness Month! To celebrate, I collected book summaries and reading reflections of 9 books that I read in the last 12 months. These books are full of insights, strategies, and wisdom about mental well-being, and inspirations for living a happier and more purposeful life.
Hope you enjoy the read.
— S
Titles:
1. Feeling Great, by David Burns
2. Untamed, by Glennon Doyle
3. Think Like a Monk, by Jay Shetty
4. The Narcissist in Your Life, by Julie L. Hall
5. The Untethered Soul, by Michael Singer
6. Becoming Supernatural, by Joe Dispenza
7. Mindsight, by Daniel Siegel
8. The Wisdom of Life, by Arthur Schopenhauer
9. everyone’s a aliebn when ur a aliebn too, by Jomny Sun
1. Feeling Great, by David Burns
How are you feeling? Down? Depressed? Unhappy? Anxious? Panicky? Insecure? This is how this book started: a self-check of your moods.
Depression and anxiety are the most common mental illnesses worldwide. Almost everyone has experienced one or two at some point.
A new study has found the average person has about 70k thoughts every day, 95% are exactly the same thoughts as yesterday, and 80% are negative. As this book pointed out, negative self-talk is a big drive for depression and anxiety because you feel the way you think. Your thoughts create your feelings every minute of every day. So, if you may change the way you think, you may change the way you feel. Then the question is, why do we often have negative conversations with ourselves?
We believe that anxiety will protect us from danger. We learned to be hard on ourselves. When we fall short, we beat up on ourselves mercilessly with harsh, critical statements. We believe as long as we berate ourselves and punish us for failures, we will evolve into better or superior human beings.
Do you see? We create an unfriendly inner world within us. No wonder we experience negative feelings living there.
The first step of change is to develop self-awareness. When you are not feeling well, check what thoughts you have on your mind. Sometimes, we think about ourselves and our lives in ways that are pretty illogical and even unfair to ourselves. Take a close look at the thoughts, are they kind and caring to yourself? Do they help build a sunny, clean, peaceful inner world that you’d be happy to live in?
Been working in the field for over 40 years, in this book, David introduced 10 common cognitive distortions and 50 techniques to change the way you think. Here I share one technique that I love the most: double-standard technique. It is simple: treat yourself like treating a dear friend of yours. We are often being harsh on ourselves but we’d be compassionate, warm, and supportive to our dear friends. That’s double-standard. Next time when you are aware of negative self-talk, ask yourself “what would I say to a dear friend with the exact same problem?”
Then, you will realize you deserve more self-acceptance and self-love.
2. Untamed, by Glennon Doyle
Do you know if the life you are living now is what you want from your heart, or what you are expected by the community? Do you know if you live the way you live to serve your heart, or to be recognized by your family and friends?
We are like computers, and our beliefs are the software with which we are programmed. Often our beliefs are programmed into us without our knowledge by our culture, community, religion, and family. Even though we don’t choose those subconscious programs, they run our lives. They control our decisions, perspectives, feelings, and interactions, so they determine our destiny. When we believe, we become. — Untamed
We are trained. We are tamed.
Girls are cute, sweet, reserved, quiet, timid, and apologetic. Boys value wealth and power, and suppress any emotions other than competitiveness and rage. Go to work because we need money and success. Create a family so we don’t look lonely.
No, no, no, and no.
Every girl was born with full human traits. She is loud, bold, smart, impulsive, confident, creative, angry, curious, ravenous, ambitious.
Every boy was born with full human traits. He has mercy, tenderness, softness, quietness, kindness, humility, uncertainty, empathy; and he has the right to show sadness, insecurity, vulnerability.
We work because we are excited to use our strengths and talents, to create, to solve problems, to help the world. Money and success are byproducts, not goals.
We create a family because we appreciate deep connections, true love, trust, honesty, understanding, respect, acceptance, tolerance. We create a space for ourselves, our partner and kids, to explore, grow, and build a life together.
When you face any life choices, don’t seek answers outside. Go inside yourself. You are the best person to ask for an answer. Don’t fool yourself because you are lazy to make a change. Don’t numb yourself because it is painful to look at the truth.
“I hope that whatever you do next is born from you and not imposed on you. I hope the rest of your life is your idea. For what it’s worth, I hope you trust yourself. You know what you know. You have good ideas.” — Glennon Doyle
3. Think Like a Monk, by Jay Shetty
This dude is a former monk. He studied in an ashram for 3 years and then realized his life purpose was to share wisdom so he left the ashram and became an entrepreneur. Today he is quite popular on the internet by making short videos of what he learned at the ashram.
It is very interesting to see a trend of monk business — to teach everyday people how to live a life that is peaceful, purposeful, and fulfilling. It is not hard to understand this trend because our modern life is full of distractions and noises which make people more dissatisfied than ever.
“Never before have so many people been so dissatisfied — or so preoccupied with chasing “happiness”. Our culture and media feed us images and concepts about who and what we should be, while holding up models of accomplishments and success. Fame, money, glamour, sex — in the end none of these things can satisfy us. We will simply seek more and more, a circuit that leads to frustration, disillusion, dissatisfaction, unhappiness, and exhaustion.” — Think Like a Monk
The bad news is we are surrounded by noises. The good news is we get to choose what to believe and follow that lead us to satisfaction.
“Teacher: Every choice in life is a battle between two wolves inside us. One represents anger, envy, greed, fear, lies, lust, insecurity, and ego. The other represents peace, love, compassion, kindness, humility, and positivity. They are competing for supremacy.
Students: Which wolf wins?
Teacher: The one you feed.
Students: But how do we feed them?
Teacher: By what we read and hear. By who we spend time with. By what we do with our time. By where we focus our energy and attention.” — Think Like a Monk
On top of that, remember everyone lives in a world that’s a reflection of her/his inner world. It has nothing to do with material life.
A person who takes things for granted doesn’t see generosity in others. Besides, s/he sees people take advantage of her/him.
A person who deceives habitually doesn’t see honesty in others. Everyone looks dishonest in her/his world.
A person who often envies intensely doesn’t appreciate accomplishments, not only achieved by others, but also by her/himself, following by destructive behaviors.
Whatever you choose to become matches your life experience.
This book covered topics like self-identity, fear, intention, purpose, ego, gratitude, relationships, and service. I found a lot of good quotes and here are some of my favorites:
“As long as we keep attaching our happiness to the external events of our lives, which are ever-changing, we will always be left waiting for it.” — Tara Brach
“The more we upgrade from trying our selfish needs to doing things out of service and love, the more we can achieve.” — Jay Shetty
“Be with people who have the values you want, not the things you want.” — Jay Shetty
4. The Narcissist in Your Life, by Julie L. Hall
I came across this book at a bookstore a few weeks ago. Thought I should share it with anyone who might feel it relatable.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder is more common than you think. The research found there are 6.2% of people in the US are impaired with NPD, even a larger number with pathological levels of narcissistic traits. So, you may have encountered them in your life, whether you noticed or not.
“A defining characteristic NPD is exploitative and abusive behavior, which is often shuttered from outside view.” They are often extremely insecure, living with huge shame that formed since childhood, lack a firm identity, very self-serving, entitled, and manipulative. They are pathologically traumatized people who abuse people close to them, especially in a family (parents, partners, children).
This book provides insights and strategies for anyone working to deal with the negative effects of a close relationship with a narcissist.
Some reflections:
- You have to deal with difficult people at some point in your life. While you are kind and respectful to them, remember to set a boundary for yourself. Know what you don’t want. Know where your bottom line is. Trust your gut feelings. Say no when you need to.
- We are all flawed in some ways which make us human. We also have the power to know ourselves, to grow and heal, to become a better version of ourselves. It takes courage to face what fears us, takes wisdom to know what we can and cannot control, and takes time and patience to work on it. It could be damn hard but also damn worth it. You will thank yourself when you get that work done.
- On the society level, it is really good to see people are giving more attention to mental health. For the first time in human history, we have psychology tools that we can apply to our daily life and change our inner world. We become more and more knowledgeable about our minds and souls. We identify and develop strategies for more mental diseases. Just like the eradication of infectious diseases, I see there will be the eradication of mental diseases in the future. That’s a better world to live in.
5. The Untethered Soul, by Michael Singer
No one’s past is perfect. Bad experiences from the past may shape you, limit you, fool you. They become inner thorns and affect your behavior. When the thorns get touched, you react, avoid, or numb because you want to protect yourself from the pain. The life of protecting yourself from the pain becomes a perfect reflection of the pain itself. You don’t own your life; the pain owns your life. But that’s not life supposed to be. You may decide to remove the thorns and become a free being. It is possible. Everyone can do it.
This book, The Untethered Soul, will help you free yourself from limitations and live your life with unconditional happiness. It will show you how to develop an awareness of inner disturbance, where the disturbance comes from, how to remove your thorns, and prevent new thorns from now on. What I liked the most about this book was how the author explained those abstract topics in such a lucid and vivid manner. Highly recommend reading it!
6. Becoming Supernatural, by Joe Dispenza
It is a little difficult to summarize this book because it is ultimately comprehensive. This is a book of quantum physics, electromagnetism, epigenetics, bioenergetics, to name a few. Basically, the author is using science to teach people three things:
- Use mind/consciousness to heal physical disease and mental trauma without taking pills.
- Use mind/consciousness to transform yourself.
- Use mind/consciousness to bring anything (health, wealth, people, opportunities, etc.) you want into your life.
As we live with a physical body in this world, we all are used to measure and understand everything based on our senses — sight, hearing, smell, taste, and touch. However, there is a completely different way to look at it:
“If you want to understand the universe, think in terms of energy, frequency, and vibration.” — Nikola Tesla
In our daily life, everything starts from a conscious thought. Each thought has a corresponding feeling. Feelings are energy. Energy is in a form of frequency. For example, as we can measure now, feelings from lowest to highest frequency: lust, pain, victimization, suffering, shame, guilt, fear, anger, control, power, will, gratitude, appreciation, joy, love, freedom, bliss, wholeness.
Towards the inside, when the mind is focusing on low-frequency thoughts, the body is experiencing low-frequency feelings which is more likely to develop a disease because that’s unhealthy for gene expression. Towards the outside, thoughts at a certain frequency will attract things and people at the same level of frequency. That’s not difficult to understand since we know it is always easier to make friends with like-minded people.
So, to bond to a high-frequency experience (a physical and mental healing process, a rewarding and fulfilling career, a reliable and sincere friendship, an authentic and loving relationship, etc.), you have to adjust yourself to higher frequency first.
How? Three steps:
- Journaling is the best way to watch your thoughts. Don’t just think. Magic happens when you put the words down instead of letting them hang on your mind. It works like looking into a mirror to check what’s on your face. Journaling makes you see yourself at a different level.
- Meditation is the best way to change your energy. Through journaling, either you realize the thoughts you want to develop or remove, you can get that work done during meditation. Once energy changes, life changes.
- Practice 1 and 2 every day. Be consistent.
7. Mindsight, by Daniel Siegel
This book is written by Daniel Siegel, a clinical professor of psychiatry at the UCLA School of Medicine. In this book, he shared some good stories from his clinical experience, about how to “rewire” crucial connections or create new linkages in our brains — to improve our relationships with people.
We all have had moments that we didn’t behave our best. Over time, we might find there is a pattern of that behavior. How do we change it? Build self-awareness is the first step. And then ask ourselves: why do we behave like that?
Most of the time, the behavior is formed by the interaction with caregivers in the childhood stage or traumatic incidents that happened in the past. By creating an authentic connection to our history, we open ourselves to transform and live a new life. And the good news is this transform can happen at any age under professional guidance!
I hope society can remove the stigma of mental illness. People need mental health support more than we think. The stigma causes people to feel ashamed and even prevents people from seeking the help they need. Let’s talk openly about mental illness.
8. The Wisdom of Life, by Arthur Schopenhauer
Schopenhauer was truly a wise man. Just like the title of the book, he offered abundant wisdom about how life can be arranged to achieve the highest degree of pleasure and fulfillment.
In this book, he discussed topics about Self, possession, status, reputation, fame, and provided advice for people on how to treat ourselves, how to treat others, how to handle life uncertainties.
Here are three quotes from the book that is perfect for quarantine:
1. “It is difficult to find happiness within oneself, but it is impossible to find it anywhere else.”
2. “The happiness we receive from ourselves is greater than that which we obtain from our surroundings.”
3. “For the more a man has in himself, the less he will want from other people, — the less, indeed, other people can be to him. This is why a high degree of intellect tends to make a man unsocial.”
So, if you are looking to go deeper into yourself, this book could be a great choice!
9. everyone’s a aliebn when ur a aliebn too, by Jomny Sun
An enjoyable afternoon read with coffee.
This is a book that is both funny and sad, simple and complex, entertaining and thought-provoking, and seems like for children but could be beneficial to all from 7 to 70s.
It is a story about an alien named Jomny who was sent to the earth to study humans’ lives. He met a tree, a dog, an egg, an owl, a bear, and a lot more, which in this story representing different kinds of people. During Jomny’s short stay on the earth, s/he learned friendship, happiness, sadness, loneliness, creativity, gratitude, growth, death, being self, giving and receiving love, saying goodbye.
What’s interesting is you will find the story is weirdly relatable since we all could think of us like Jomny — an alien who came to the earth, interacting with the world, learning and growing through activities, and experiencing life.
While we are busy with serving daily duties in our families and work, don’t forget to appreciate small and everyday things because those are where happiness is. Don’t forget to be present with people who are talking to us. Don’t forget life is a short journey and there is an end someday.
And after all, we do share experiences and not alone.
Thank you for your claps👏🏻👏🏼👏🏽 if you enjoyed the article! This will help other people find it!
How are you taking care of your mental well-being? ❤
